This Makes Me Laugh

First things first -- here is the answer you have all been waiting for:

Yes, that's right - a 'Chopstick Rest.' Note the regular price of $2.95. As badly as we wanted to, given the bargain and all, Amy and I refrained from this would-be impulse purchase.

No doubt we all remember my wife’s glowing post about what we did for the 4th of July. Well she left out (at my request) the single funniest event of the evening. Just to refresh everyone’s memory, we sat in the lawn section on the blankets side of the Miller Outdoor Theater, as we had no lawn chairs with us. This was rather tricky. It was very crowded, and it looked like some people had been there for eight hours or more just to get a primo location.

As we are making our way around the crowds, I saw an eight-foot by eight-foot section that is vacant in the distance; and I think to myself, "What a blessing! God Himself must have reserved that space just for us." I’m so proud that I march right over to it and then quickly notice why it is vacant. It has some sort of drainage problem, and the result is an eight-foot by eight-foot mud pit.

While I briefly consider whether our blankets will shield us from the mud pit, I come to my senses and accept that this location is not a suitable 4th of July celebration vantage point. However, I also realize that Amy and I are standing in an area that will work just fine despite being about five feet from the mud pit.

After we get settled, I decide that we need a snack. So I take a mental snapshot of our surroundings, carefully make my way AROUND the mud pit and leave my bride to people watch. When I return I am ASTONISHED to see that the mud pit is occupied. Oh yes! Someone also thought that God saved that spot for them as a little blessing, and they were not going to deprive God of his blessing come mud or high water.

The really funny part is that the people behind us actually remarked, "I cannot believe you're sitting there. Hundreds of people thought about it, but you ladies actually did it." To which the recipient of the blessing replies, "I just knew I should bring a vinyl tablecloth. I'm so glad I did." She completely acted like it was no big deal.

As if that wasn’t funny enough, when the mud pit was empty it cautioned all pedestrians that perhaps the area was unsuitable for human occupancy. However, now that it was mostly occupied, it wasn’t clear at all to pedestrians that they should use caution when walking in the vicinity. So yes, you guessed it, person after person stepped right in the mud. Some people lost shoes, others got mud up beyond their ankles, some just fell down. It was so funny, and for the most part the people sitting in the mud pit (on purpose) were just oblivious, acting as if there was nothing out of the ordinary.

Amy and I were laughing so hard. Trust me; I wanted to take pictures of the victims, but I would just burst into laughter so hard that I couldn’t get a picture for anything. So here is the one picture I did get of one of the girls who chose to sit in the mud and the obstacles that were eventually placed in the DANGER ZONE of the mud pit.

I can’t wait to see what happens at next year's 4th of July celebration, but I hope that it's half as good as this year's was.

The Story of Us - Part 6 - the I love you and the engagement

For us I think it really might have been "love at first sight." I knew that Steve definitely had potential on our first date. After introducing him to my family and seeing how well they all got along and how well he fit in, I really started to wonder if he could be "the one."

We had been dating right around four months when we first said "I love you" to one another. I had actually realized that I had fallen head-over-heels in love with Steven a few weeks before, but I had never said it.

We went to dinner at Bourbon Street Cafe. While waiting for our entrees, Steve asked his all too favorite question, "So what do you think?" (I had already learned that this question meant that he had something very important to tell me. It was always his intro for those heart-to-heart talks.) And, as is common with me, I answered his question with a question. "What do YOU think?" His reply was simply, "I love you." These three words instantly put a smile on my face and made my heart race. I, of course, replied with an "I love you, too" and leaned across the table for a kiss. I was IN LOVE! He was in love! We were in love - and with each other!!! :)

It was either that night or shortly thereafter that we started discussing marriage. (We don't believe in dilly-dallying.) I, being the planner, pulled out a calendar and started looking for dates that would allow us to take a nice honeymoon. Both of us were in school full-time while working full-time, so scheduling such an event required some planning. After careful review, I decided that the weekend before Thanksgiving would be best. And so I told him that if he really was serious about marrying me, he needed to propose soon because it was already the end of May and I needed time to plan our wedding. My darling husband responded with, "Don't you think we need to be engaged at least a year?" My "what for?" response let him know that I didn't think so. And so we set a date.

A few weeks later, Steve called on a Tuesday. (Now mind you, his MO was to call only on Wednesdays to make plans for the following Friday night date. We only saw each other on Fridays. Steve was working four jobs and going to school, so he didn't have a lot of time for dating. So the Tuesday call was out of the ordinary.) He told me that he was coming to pick me up. He took me to a park, and we walked out to a bridge overlooking a pond filled with lillypads. It was there, at sunset, at 8:31 p.m., that Steven got down on one knee and proposed. I don't remember everything he said (because he actually had a lot to say), but I do remember waiting for the question, "Will you marry me?" I responded with, "yes, yes, yes!" It was so perfect and so romantic!

(FUN FACT: All of the clocks in my house that do not work because the batteries in them die too often are set to 8:31.)

The Saturday after the proposal, my parents, my sisters-in-law and I went to Dallas to go dress shopping. (What can I say? I don't waste time!) After a full day of dress hunting, we found the perfect dress.

On Sunday afternoon after the proposal, my parents, Steve and I returned to the park to take engagement pictures.

And so the whirlwind of wedding planning began...

Stay tuned for The Story of Us - Part 7 - the wedding and the beginning of our happily ever after...

Birthday Fun

For Amy's birthday I got her lots and lots (well three pieces) of artwork. She will have to show you pictures. I'm sure you can look forward to that. She also wanted to go to one of the world' s largest outlet centers in San Marcos, TX. So yesterday we took time together (see 'We Make Time' post) and drove to the outlet mall with nearly 500 stores. As soon as we got out of the car this was Amy's expression:Here is what she saw that put a look of sheer joy on her face. Oh yes! That's a Pottery Barn / William Sonoma outlet.

While Amy was looking for practical things like this wonderful RED pitcher,

I was looking for absurd things to blog about. Here we have a automatic drink shaker - for those who are too lazy to shake the thing themselves.

And then there is this:

I'm having a contest. Let's see who can guess what this is. Please leave a comment with your guess. There is no prize (except of course a shout out), but I cannot wait to see the guesses. I'll post the answer soon.

After leaving Crate and Barrel, I found something that piqued my interest...

Amy trying to refocus my attention as there is a Restoration Hardware Outlet in the distance.

What could it be that has me jumping for joy??? Oh yes, it's a Starbucks!

My SIL, Shannon, enlightened me that Starbucks smells a little like a skunk on the inside. TIS TRUE!! The next time you drive by a skunk on the road, wait until the odor dies down a little then take in a big whiff. Think Starbucks, and you too will be a believer. Either the skunk won't smell as bad, or Starbucks will be a place you only visit by drive-thru in the future.

My father-in-law and I went into a Starbucks in Tulsa right around Christmas-time last year. The store was packed, so full that we could barely make it to the counter. Oddly there wasn't a noise in the building. It felt really, really awkward. These people seemed to be engaged in a visual dialogue. They were even laughing silently, slapping their knees at times. I finally couldn't help it. I just started staring at them all. And then I realized... They were signing to each other. Yes, it was a meeting of people who were unable to communicate verbally. The funny part about it was that it took the two of us nearly five minutes to figure this out.)

Now for those of you wondering what Amy enjoys at Starbucks (She HATES coffee.), here is a picture of a certain section of the menu. What could it be???

You guessed it! The Blended Creme Double Chocolaty Chip (no coffee of course).

And now some photos of ridiculous things we saw on our three-hour drive home:
A bathtub with a duck

A house with a large chicken in the front yard
The closed 'Rock-A-Bye' Motel looked frightening.
A functioning oil well pump with an airplane on top
The sign to the local airport and an advertisement for skydiving lessons
And finally a car that doubles as a cactus planter

Remember guesses are being accepted for what you think the green thing is. It is made of resin, costs $0.25 at the Crate and Barrel Outlet, and is odorless.

I'm still laughing (with them)

It's not really nice to laugh AT people; so I try not to, especially as a reverend. I have a certain ethical standard to adhere to. I prefer to think that I am usually laughing WITH people.

Amy's first ski adventure, for example, was very, very funny indeed. It took nearly an hour just to get to the chair lift because there was a vicious cycle of her falling, us laughing and repeat, repeatedly.

I've figured out a sure-fire way to know that you are getting old - when you fall and people no longer find it funny, you're probably getting old.

At a family reunion last year, my mother-in-law was sitting in a lawn chair that just broke right underneath her. Amy and I looked over and saw only her feet straight up in the air in the most cartoonish style. It was funny. We all laughed. She isn't old.

But when 90-year-old Great Grandma falls, we wonder about the integrity of her hips. She is old.

All that being said, I promise I'm not making fun of these people. We all have a job to do. I would do a lot of things for money; but these poor people - seriously! - hurricane reporters. I have to think that the reporters sent out to cover hurricanes live-on-the-scene are probably not liked very much. While there is no reason to fire them, there is hope that they will quit. If I were sent out to cover a hurricane, it wouldn't be because they didn't like me. It would be because I like an adventure; but that's me. Most people aren't like me. Nonetheless, while covering a hurricane, I would shoot the footage from my hotel room with perhaps the window (at a safe distance) in the background. If I was feeling froggy, I would venture just barely outside the door of a building. But these people - seriously! - we've all seen waves, flying debris, falling trees, falling signs - no hard hat, mind you, just a hat that usually blows off.

Hurricane Dolly (cute name) reached the Texas coast Wednesday morning (yes Amy and I are fine, thank you). So, of course, it's time to weed out some reporters. And they are putting forth a valiant effort. It's just so funny to watch. I found a great video on YouTube of a reporter from Hurricane Katrina. Now come on! When told to report in the middle of the biggest hurricane ever, find a new job!

Things that make me laugh

Well here I sit waiting for a delayed flight.. Sorry I digress, no aviation talk. Nonetheless I seem to have a few moments in my schedule so I decided to share with you things that make me laugh. For starters, well I don't know what it's called; but it's funny, and researching for this post made me laugh even harder. If I had to name this device I would call it the Funny Ostrich. No particular reason that's just the first thing that came to my mind. So the FO if you will was designed to vibrate excess pounds right off the body. While I find the whole idea of this preposterous, I wish someone in my family tree had invented the thing, because a lot of money was made on these bad boys. Here is the first photographic example of the Funny Ostrich.

Okay, I'm laughing so hard just looking at this picture, first of all the outlet looks like a 240 Volt (something you would use to power your electric dryer), and this women has attached the FO to her body and is getting ready to turn it on, I'm sure the pounds just melted away on her luxury train ride to who knows where.

Now these ladies are a hoot, look closely. They are clearly well to do, and have donned their exercise caps (which also make me laugh). And there is one more thing, (I know its like a 'Wheres Waldo') THEY ARE DRINKING. I don't know what they are drinking, perhaps tea, perhaps wine (Air France Pilots were served wine with their dinners up until 1998, sorry no aviation), maybe its water. The very idea that an exercise can be conducted that is vigorous enough to loose weight while drinking anything out of crystal glasses is again, absurd.This ad is my favorite, they are so positive about their product. The thing that makes me laugh really hard is that it makes "THE PERFECT CHRISTMAS GIFT." Now I've only been married for three and a half years, but I'm certain that I know the Funny Ostrich does not make the perfect Christmas gift. It turns out not even a new air conditioning unit makes the perfect Christmas gift (Don't ask me how I know this). Oh yeah, and I also like that it is sold by a place with the word Sanitarium in the name.

If you are one of these people that think that there may be something to the Funny Ostrich, and want to give it a try; then please go to the Goodwill, I'm sure they have one available, in fact I once saw one about five years ago, and almost fell on the floor I was laughing so hard. I called my Grandma to get the technical name of the device, and she referred to it as a Reducing Machine. Ahh what a perfect marketing ploy to the Funny Ostrich, call it a Reducing Machine. I found a picture of the fanciest Funny Ostrich built in the 50's, along with a current model (yes it seems that a new improved version of the old technology is making a comeback.

Notice the lady on the top of the line Funny Ostrich is wearing heels, what better footwear than heels for a vigorous exercise? The new model does away with the belt but instead just vibrates the platform which the 'exercisee' stands on, sounds hard on the knees to me. Under cons for a review of the new machine it states that the platform is capable of producing 11G's. That's more than the human body can take, who comes up with this stuff?

Have a great day, and its okay to laugh out loud in public while pondering todays post. AND LEST WE FORGET

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMY!!!

Well Aviation Week has come to an end. Amy and I are going to an art exhibit this weekend where everything on display is made out of Red Bull cans. Doesn't that sound like fun? So now the last post of the week.

A couple of months ago I was flying, and my FO says, "Oh! This is the airplane I had the lightning strike in a couple of weeks ago." I asked what he was talking about, and he told me the story. The airplane was on course for a thunderstorm that was unavoidable (in Texas this happens often). When they got about half way through it, there was a deafening noise and a super bright light. After taking a moment to realize what had happened, they figured out that the airplane had been struck by lightning. During the strike the pilot's hand was thrown off of the metal control wheel and against the sidewall of the flight deck with such force that it hurt him a little.

The main electrical systems of the aircraft shut down. (There is a short delay on our aircraft where there is a warning for about eight seconds before the power actually shuts off.) So imagine the passengers' surprise when the cabin lights turn off and the emergency exit lights come on in flight. Within about 30 seconds, the pilots get the power turned back on; and the airplane seems to operate normally except that one of the exterior light circuits has a short and the screens on the flight deck are really distorted.

Once the airplane lands, the ground crew has a surprised look on their faces; and there is lots of pointing going on. Here is a photo of what they were looking at:

Yes, that's a hole - right in the nose of the airplane. (The nose of this airplane is composite - not metal.) There was also a hole in the tail (where the light was located). Anyway so now I know that a lightning strike in the airplane is a painless experience where some minor damage is possible.

We actually have one guy on our staff who flies for the Air Force on the Hurricane Hunter team. They fly inside hurricanes for like 7 hours at a time. He tells of flying through the eye of well-defined hurricanes where they can look up and see the stars at night. Now he has some stories.

Even though Aviation Week has come to an end, Amy and I are going to the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum in the fall. I will surely share some pictures. Have a great weekend!

Steve

Since we are on the subject

I'm having too much fun with Aviation Week. I keep running into more and more stuff I can share with you all about this crazy industry. If your getting bored I promise it will be over on Monday; but for the rest of us yet another crazy hilarious story.

U.S. Airways has been in survival mode since 1981 when they first filed for bankruptcy, and for the most part they have been in bankruptcy ever since. They have laid off so many people that it wasn't long ago that the newest new hire on the pilot roster was hired in 1988, and the youngest guy was 48 years old. I wish them all the best but their actions have alienated their customers to a point beyond repair. Here is the story.

While some companies look at marketing as an expense account, U.S. Airways looks at it as in income account. They have ads on the jetway, on the tray tables, baggage carousel, boarding pass, cups, napkins, although I didn't seen any billboards in the lavatory I'm sure that is coming. It was crazy. But the craziest of all; the thing that blew my mind was the very thing that also shocked the pants off of a certain vocal customer.

Here is the intro to his website, please if your interested click the link and spend some time reading and listening to his story (he actually has a recorded phone call of him calling their Marketing Director at 5AM at his home, and and wait till you read about the Monkey of the Month Club!). It is very very humorous indeed.

US Airways management has to listen,when you have their home number.

I'm on the plane, and they're trying to sell me an airline credit card. This is
a sign of desperation, an airline on its last legs: peddling us credit cards
during the flight. It's not enough that they've taken our meals, our leg
room,
and our on-time departures. Now they take our dignity, by hitting us
up for an
airline credit card while we are held captive on their smelly
planes.
Here's
how US Airways does it: they turn one unlucky stewardess
into a seat-to-seat
saleswoman. She gives you the pitch, then she walks down
the aisle with
applications, while people try to avoid meeting her gaze. It
is awkward...

So have I peaked your interest? I must warn you that the guy telling the story likes to use offensive language at times, but the overall journey of his crusade is quite funny. Have fun http://www.zug.com/credit/airline/index.html