Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Steven is, conveniently, out-of-town tonight. (He's working, but oh how I wish he were here to help!)
I was just getting ready to settle in for the night. I had put on my PJs, brushed my teeth and was turning on my bedside lamp to do my Bible reading before going to sleep. Just as I pulled back the covers to climb into my nice, big, welcoming bed with white sheets and a white comforter, I notice something yellow. Bright yellow. Neon yellow. Highlighter yellow. Surely my eyes are deceiving me. What is it? Did I have a momentary relapse back to the days of childhood last night and wet my bed without realizing it? No, I think I would have remembered that. Besides, the spot is too high - next to the pillows. I haven't been in, on or near the bed since I left for work this morning. What is it?
MAGGIE! The dog! The dog is always to blame. She was lying in her bed in the corner of the bedroom. She knows she's not allowed on my bed. Did she actually crawl up there and pee? Surely not! She wouldn't do that. I called her name. She looked at me with the guilty face. But it wasn't the guilty face of someone who had wet my bed. It was the same look I had seen before - several years ago. The "I'm sick, and I'm sorry I puked on your bed" face. So I looked at her, and she looked at me. I called her to come to me, and she stayed put. I decided to go to her. She looked sad. I picked her up, and she snuggled. Not a typical reaction when she has been naughty. Oh dear! A sick dog! Yuck!
What to do? I called Steve! (Last time, I called Daddy.) I woke him up and told him all about it. His response - clean it up and sleep in the guest room. Thanks, Babe. So I have stripped the sheets, the duvet cover, the comforter, the matress pad. And I did something brave - I smelled it. I realize this is gross, but I had to know what made her sick. It smelled like chicken. No joke! It really did smell just exactly like chicken bouillon. We don't feed her table scraps (besides I didn't eat chicken today), so she had to have eaten something outside. I'm sure that she and the neighbor's cat shared a bird. So nasty!
For the record, I did consider taking pictures to show you wonderful people. But then I considered what I would think if someone else posted dog puke on their blog... And so I have forgone the puke pictures.
Maggie has only thrown up twice since I've had her. The first time was many years ago. I hadn't had her too long, and she and I were in my apartment (before I had even met Steve). It was about midnight or 1:00 a.m., and I heard heaving noises. I woke up in that foggy, dreamy state to reach over and pat my adorable dog who had just joined me in my bed. Just as I reached out to her, she threw up. IN MY BED. It smelled just like bacon grease. I knew exactly where and when she had eaten it (not at my house). Ugh! I didn't eat bacon for the longest time after that. At the time, I assumed that she puked in my bed because she was trying to wake me. And now, six or seven years later, when she's feeling ill again, she returned to my bed. Why does she puke on my bed? At least this time I wasn't in it.
So now my sweet sleep and visions of loveliness have been interrupted as I wait for the duvet cover to finish its wash cycle so that I can throw in the sheets.
For all of you out there in Blogland, I wish you sweet dreams and restful sleep. And may your beds be puke-free tonight.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Once we settled into our interesting little chairs, and were handed a menu I took a moment to really look around the room and suddenly, and to my horror I saw it. "Amy is that a stage?", "Yes I think so!" "We have to get out of here!" and out we go. We had already ordered our beverages so I'm sure the waitress was quite offended that we left so suddenly, so if she should happen across our blog, "I am sorry."
We collectively decided the reason they were so busy and the reason for the mixed company was the very reason that we were there. Bennigans had suddenly closed and that was the only immediate alternative, although we found a delicious Dairy Queen right down the road and had a wholesome family friendly meal.
Later I called Doyce and explained the situation and why I was so distant during our conversation, he, as any good father-in-law would, found it outrageously hilarious that I would take his pure and wholesome daughter to such a place. Anyway on to the real news, its true; all Bennigans nationwide did in fact close their doors at midnight on July 29th of this year. Not only Bennigans but also Steak and Ale. We had started eating at Steak and Ale a little more often since our neighbor, the football star, conned us into buying one of those 'Discount Cards' to support the high school team. The Steak and Ale discount was buy-one-get-one, although I did not take into account the possibility that Steak and Ale might go out of business we did in fact get our money back out of the purchase of the card. Yeah another point for the consumer!
So it is, we will have to find another place that offers a great lunch at a great price. Do tell if you have any pointers, for now its Sam's Club, Whataburger, or home. Here is a fun video that came across the email. For your viewing pleasure, 'Those That Didn't Make the Olympics'
Have a great week!
Friday, August 22, 2008
She is on roller skates - four wheels each. OH YES SHE IS!!! (We're hoping you'll hear Mary Murphy's voice in your head as you read that last statement - "Oh yes she is!") We were quite some distance away from this roller-skating mama (Thank God for telephoto lenses!); however, I do believe that she saw me snap the photo given the look on her face and the direction she is looking relative to her direction of travel. Oh well, it was worth it. How fun! Although I thought that actual roller skates had been eradicated from the planet with the invention of in-line skates.
So off we go to the zoo. We had a wonderful time (the details of which I won't bore you with, as we have all been to the zoo before). Amy and I particularly like this one though because of the way their exhibits are laid out. When possible, there are no cages. They have zoo keepers at nearly every exhibit to answer questions, and the best part is it's free! For your viewing pleasure, I have loaded a video of our photos from the trip. It's at the bottom of the post. Moving on...
Despite being bumped from our flight, there was some good news at the airport. Another great photo opportunity! I've mentioned before about the nun on one of my flights that was carrying a three-foot statue of Mary (the mother of Jesus) with her. It had its own zip-up Mary Cozy. Periodically, she would take it out, look at it and then put it back. I find that great fun! But I believe it was topped last weekend in St. Louis. Here we have a priest dressed in long robes with a bead belt.He is busily looking for something in his large bag. As he was digging through the bag, he needed to remove a few items to make rummaging easier. If you look closely, you can see one of the items that was removed. It's just to the left, and it has a loin cloth. Let's take a closer look.
Yes -- there is no doubt about it. That is a Jesus on a cross - a really big Jesus on a really big cross - at least 24" tall. For fear of a public debate, I didn't share with this member of the clergy that Jesus isn't actually on the cross anymore. But this guy certainly believes that the bigger the Jesus on a cross, the safer he will be in the friendly skies. I was raised attending a Catholic church, so I kind of understand some of the stuff they do. But bringing such large relics on flights is really very funny to me. Is there a Catholic guide, I wonder? It must read something like "For journeys more than 1,000 miles take at least a two-foot Jesus. Between 1,000 and 1,500 miles take a very large Mary, and for over 1,500 bring whatever you can find that is at least three feet tall."
Anyway, lots of fun! Please have a safe and fun weekend. We'll chat later.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
1. Link back to the person who tagged you.
2. Mention the rules on your blog.
3. Tell about six unspectacular quirks of yours.
4. Tag six following bloggers by linking them.
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged.
I was tagged by the Dolan Family.
here are my quirks (if you can call them that).
1. I hate anything that resembles a flying stinging insect. I categorically refer to all of these creatures as 'Bees'. I don't care if it is a Hornet, Wasp, Honey Bee, Wood Wasp. None of this matters, I hate them. My Dad told me when I was little that Bees were created half by God and half by the devil because while they pollinate, they can also sting. I find that very funny in retrospect. I was only stung one time in my whole life, but I was like two and I remember it well. I was making mud pies, and the pain was so excruciating (probably due to my young age and low tolerance) that I have since had the greatest fear of anything Bee related.
2. I once swam on a Special Olympics swim team even though I technically do not qualify. When I was in High School I was volunteering as a Special Olympics swim coach. There was an opportunity at the Championship Meet to swim 'Unified Relays.' In these relays the coaches alternated with the athletes on a four leg relay. It was great fun, and I'll never forget those times.
3. When I was 19 I fell for Don Lapre's infomercials (remember him?). Ahh yes the tiny classified ad. Once all the crap came, I excitedly opened it. I promptly realized it looked like work and suddenly lost interest. I finally threw it all away during our move in 2005.
4. When I was a kid I auditioned to be in the movie Free Willy. Naturally it was for the lead role of that little brat 'Jesse'. When I watched the first movie I so could have seen myself kicking the garbage can out of anger, and it not coming off of its little bracket despite my efforts. This was the first and only movie I ever auditioned for, but it was quite fun.
5. I managed to cause what almost became an international incident between the United States and the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. While stationed with the Air Force in Saudi Arabia in 2000, I had sent some guys to pick up some Cluster Bombs from the cargo ramp. It was on a list of things to do, the Choleric side of me wanted the list complete. I missed the part where the said items to be picked up had not yet cleared the Kingdom's Customs Department. Oh the drama that ensued!
6. in the summer of 1999 I was hired to operate a speed boat. What a job! Every weekend I pulled water skiers, and knee boarders on Pineview Reservoir. The company I was working for liked me so much they kept me on in the winter to operate snowmobile tours. The especially funny part about that was that I had NEVER been on a snowmobile in my entire life. There was every intention to do a practice run, but we ran out of time before the first tour. So the day came and I loaded up a suburban with 6 snowmobiles in tow and headed up the mountain with nothing more than some pointers from my boss!
Okay now the part where I tag some other bloggers. Everyone I know on the blogosphere has been tagged except the Cherrington Family, and the CrazyCarlsons. It was fun to play this game. Thanks again to Valerie for tagging us, and coming soon fun from the wonderful city of St. Louis.
SPOILER ALERT: I have a picture of a mom on roller skates!! check back often.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Do you think I got it right? They have been doing something right. Founded in 1990, SkyMall is a strong company, but the stuff they sell... More importantly, THE STUFF SOME PEOPLE BUY!
Disclaimer: Please don't be offended if you personally own any of the items featured on today's blog. I'm sure it was a moment of weakness for you, or perhaps you had the perfect location in your home where simply nothing else would go. In those cases, I understand. For the rest of us, enjoy!
Here we have a cat litter box. This, as you can see, is designed to look like a fine piece of furniture from our friends at Pottery Barn. I don't think anyone would be fooled. The stench, I'm sure, would give it away. A normal litter box from Wal Mart, tucked neatly away somewhere discreetly, would better serve a household.
In case you want to start charging admission to your backyard, you could buy Mt. Rushmore in a box! I'm sure people won't notice the smaller-than-life size or the fact that it probably topples over in a good gust of wind. I can see it now - 'It's Rainy, It's Windy, I'm Wearing a Helmet, and My Mt. Rushmore Replica is About to Topple.'
Okay this is just wrong! Guess what it is. The answer is below the picture.
Yes, it looks like a wasps' nest. And indeed, it is designed to replicate a wasps' nest. If I were walking anywhere outside and saw this I would probably scream like a girl and then fall down very dramatically and then run as fast as I could the other way. I HATE ANYTHING THAT RESEMBLES A FLYING, STINGING INSECT! Allegedly, this little contraption deters wasps by making them think another colony is already in town. I'm sticking with my wasp and hornet killer from Sam's. (They sell it by the case.)
Now we have lawn aerators that attach to your shoes. Just go to RSC and rent a real lawn aerator if you need one. I needn't say more.
If the watch winder didn't do it, this will. Absolutely the most absurd product ever offered for sale anywhere in the world. This item was removed from the most recent glossy-sheen booklet (surprise), but when it was in there I would play a game with the flight attendants on long flights. I would call them and tell them they needed to go through Skymall and pick out the single most ridiculous product. I would inform them it wasn't the lawn aerator shoes or the cat litter box designed to look like a planter (you'll see that in a second). 100% of the time they nailed it. This was the product they chose, and I couldn't agree more.
I know it's hard to read while you are laughing. Take a moment. Now here is the description of 'Poop Freeze':
2 out of 5 stars
sticky, July 22, 2008 By jbhorsey from arizona (read all my reviews)
Pros: poo did not stink"Did not make "poo" hard, sticky, in fingernails."
Gender: FemaleAge: 41-45
And now look what we have here. Yes, another useless, space-not-saving, kitchen appliance. Just throw the dogs in the microwave, and toast the buns (if you must) in the skillet like everyone else. Don't' buy this. It reminds me in some ways of a Funny Ostrich. My favorite line from the movie Napoleon Dynamite is when the woman sees an obscenely large ship figurine that she could win for selling Tupperware. After seeing it, she subsequently exclaims 'I want that!'Have a great weekend!
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Taxi cabs in Times Square
A look at where it hangs
My bedroom dresser and the picture that hangs above it
Steve's dresser and the plasma TV that sits on top of itMy new bedding and the sign above the bed
Steve also painted the wall behind the bed red for me this past month.
And yes, I know that I am very, very spoiled. Lucky me!!!
Thank you, Steven! I appreciate everything you do for me. I love you more than words can express. You are the most amazing groom, and I am the luckiest bride! Baby, you're the greatest!
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
...to have and to hold
from this day forward
for better or for worse,
for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish;
from this day forward
until death do us part.
And I have watched them live these vows every day of my life. What a wonderful example of love and commitment!
Happy Anniversary, Nanny and Pops! We love you!!!
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Tomorrow -- "Fun With Skymall" -- oh yes all those ridiculous things you didn't know you needed.
Monday, August 11, 2008
"Hole in the Wall"
Here is a preview of the Japanese version
I will enjoy watching this for probably three episodes. But I'm sure it will be great fun for those three episodes. I have to point out that my wife is VERY tolerant when she heard about this new wonderful addition to the US TV lineup, she just pretended to be excited with me. Props to her!
Here is a fun picture that came across the email
There is just so much humor in this photo, its like admiring a piece of artwork, you have to study it to really appreciate it. I am so thankful for the person who took the picture, what a great way to brighten everyone's day. I would love to wear clothes like this personally, but I'm afraid my wife who is the Quality Control Officer of my wardrobe and the manager of PFDASFPA (protocol for daily attire suitable for public appearance), would not approve. And while I can occasionally slip something past her, this would be very difficult indeed to slip past my wife and her visual capabilities.
There isn't much else going on in our lives, this Saturday we are planning on going to Forester Park in Saint Louis for the day. It is a great day trip location with easy transportation to and from the airport. We especially like their zoo. If we make it out there I will surely post some fun pictures.
I don't know if we have any Big Brother fans out there or not. Amy and I are new to BB, this only being our third season, but we are really enjoying this most dramatic season. I even called the Cable Company and swindled them out of 6 months of free Showtime (as an added bonus they have some great on demand movies) so we could watch the daily live feed, and let me tell you there was a BLOW UP on Saturday night, we were riveted to the television, it lasted over three hours, constant yelling and screaming and throwing things.
The funny thing about this season is these girls are just CONVINCED that Dan is America's Player. It is so funny Michelle is just determined to get to the bottom of this conspiracy theory. I won't let out any more secrets.
Have a great week, and I'll let you know when Fox airs its first episode of Hole in the Wall. And coming soon "The Best of Wipeout", and my personal favorite, "Fun With Skymall"
Friday, August 8, 2008
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
For safety's sake, I tethered myself to the hot tub, which had a little more than 2000 lbs of water in it. I also decided to add an extra layer of safety that most reporters ignore. I added a helmet to protect my head from any flying debris. I am sure that I managed the risk properly, and so I ventured out. For your viewing pleasure, I present: Steve Norton reporting live from the backyard to give us an update on Tropical Storm Edouard.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Here's what you do:
1. Link back to the person who tagged you.
2. Mention the rules on your blog.
3. Tell about six unspectacular quirks of yours.
4. Tag six following bloggers by linking them.
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged.
OK, so I've accomplished step one (hope it works) and step two. Here goes step three:
1. I have a "thing" for New York. It started when I was a teenager and watched lots of chick flicks which all seemed to take place in NYC. As a result, The Big Apple is on my list as one of the most romantic places in the world. My first trip to NYC was in the summer of 1996 when I went with my parents and my younger brother. It was amazing! We saw all of the touristy spots. From then on, my love affair with the City grew; and I started collecting NYC prints and memorabilia. Then my wonderful husband took me to NYC for our first wedding anniversary. (How much more romantic can you get?!) Since we got married at Thanksgiving time, we went the week of Thanksgiving and got to see the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade - which is AMAZING in person. There's so much they don't show you on TV. Then we got to shop in the crowded stores on the day after Thanksgiving. The store windows really are amazing. It was wonderful. Needless to say, I am still in love with the place.
2. I spent 13 years in college. Most people graduate in four or five, but not me. I LOVE school. I have changed majors more times than I can count. I took classes simply because I found them interesting and/or I liked the instructor. I've attended seven different colleges. I finally graduated in December 2007 with a Bachelor of Arts in Multi-Disciplinary Studies With An Emphasis in Human Relations (sounds like a made up degree, doesn't it? I think they must have made it up for me!). Along the way I managed to earn an Associate of Arts Degree in Psychology and a Supportive Ministries Degree from Bible school.
3. Red is my favorite color. Some people have a favorite color, and it means that it's their favorite color to wear or something. For me, it's my favorite color for everything. I have three rooms in my house with red walls. I drive a red Jeep and a red scooter. My kitchen is full of red Kitchen Aid appliances. My kitchen towels and utensils are red. My living room sofa is red. Every room in my house has some red in it. Every flower in my front yard has red blooms. I wear a lot of red clothes. I have red shoes and red purses. I love the color red.
4. I am extremely passionate about everything. Every emotion I feel can be prefaced with the word "very." I am almost always very happy. But if something goes wrong, I become very upset or very mad. And every single emotion I have can be clearly seen on my face. You never have to guess how I feel about something. I'm extremely easy to read.
5. I have a lot of "dislikes" when it comes to food and beverages. I have learned to be a more adventurous "taster," but I find that I still dislike almost everything. I have a very stong pallette and can taste all of the ingredients (even when Steve tries to trick me by sneaking things into some of my favorite receipes, thereby ruining them - but I must say that I love it when my husband cooks - which he does a lot, so I will not gripe too much.) I have yet to find a single fruit that I like. I like fruit flavors, but I don't like the fruits themselves. I can never manage to swallow them. The texture is just too weird. If you want to get fruit down me, make it into a smoothie. My favorite is banana mango. I hate coffee. I don't like it in or on anything. Why ruin a good thing like ice cream by flavoring it with coffee and calling it mocha? I eat very few vegetables. I like weird veggies like okra and zucchini and peppers, but I hate corn and tomatoes and green beans. And most importantly, I hate eggs. I will not eat them in a box. I will not eat them with a fox. I will not eat them, Sam I am. I will not eggs, not even with ham. However, I love meats. And desserts. Although it's important to note that most desserts, when lacking chocolate, are hardly worth the calories. (And before anyone thinks that it's my mother's fault, I must assure you that I spent many a night sitting at the table playing the "waiting game" to see who would give in first. My mom would continue pulling out the same stuff from the refrigerator night after night until it grew mold. I can out wait anyone. It's not my mom's fault. I just don't like it.)
6. I don't know six bloggers to link to. I'm new to this whole blogging thing. Apparently so are my friends and family. Most of the blogs I read, I just stalk (meaning that I read them anonymously and never comment since I don't know the people). So I will link to those I know.
Step four: I tag my wonderful and amazing husband (because his answers will be oh so funny!), some of my most favorite family members - The Dolan Family and my fabulous SIL - Shannon.
Step five: Done!
So the lady comes in to do my X-Rays, and when she puts the little things in my mouth I smell and taste something strange that reminds me of middle school for some strange reason. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but I decide that they have either flavored the X-Ray film or the lady administering the torture has a most unique (not necessarily in a good way) perfume on. I can’t wait for her to leave.
Once she leaves and the hygienist shows up I smell the odor again. Determined to figure it out I put on my detective hat and start paying close attention to what is going on. After she puts the napkin around my neck and hands me the safety glasses I solve the mystery.
“Are your gloves scented?” I ask, she looks at me bewildered, “Why yes they are, isn’t that fun?” “NO!! I’m sorry but you will have to find some that aren’t I think its awful.” She remarks “I’m not sure we have any others,” “Well,” I say “please try to find some others because I can’t handle that.”
She finds some (while probably sneering to her co-workers what a difficult patient I was being) and the cleaning goes on without incident. So my question, who thinks of this stuff? What was wrong with the vinyl taste and smell we have all endured for years and years? While she was hunting new gloves I peered at the box and sure enough in big letters with graphics “NEW GRAPE SCENT” why oh why? That explained the middle school memories, Bubblicious Grape Gum, tasty. But seriously to think someone not only invented and marketed these, but a nincompoop (fun word) in that office actually consciously ordered them!
I’m calling for a stand, let none of our readers accept these horrid flavored disease barriers; insist on generic unflavored gloves from now on.
UPDATE: Amy went in a few days later, and odor didn’t bother her, she told the hygienist of my complaint and she remarked that they have had these gloves for years, maybe I was just being ultra sensitive, or perhaps (more likely) the box my gloves came out of were double dipped.
Friday, August 1, 2008
Yesterday I was on a mission; I decided I was going to (finally) hang the speakers for our living room television. Mind you we have lived in our house two years as of 7/28. I could have installed these speakers during our tolerable outside week in January. Or perhaps during the survivable month of February, but no, I decided to install these speakers at the end of July in Houston, TX. Perhaps I should remind myself of one of my classic posts ‘It’s Getting Hot in Here.’
So I awoke, went running on the treadmill (it’s too hot outside for all that), and then decided I would climb in the attic and begin the process of wiring and hanging five speakers from the ceiling. My personality type requires that if a project is within sight of completion, it must be completed without any delay (I’m reminded of the laundry room construction project that was only going to take a weekend, it took nine months).
Anyway I started at 8AM and the attic was warm, it was hot at 9AM, sweltering at 10AM (yes I was still in the attic over two hours later), and at 11AM it was stifling. Guys can relate, this was only going to take about thirty minutes. But of course one thing led to another and before it was all said an done I needed two drills, four drill bits, a hole saw, and of course a Saws-all.
Right about the time I was nearly done in the attic my phone rang, it was work, I was on call yesterday and sadly I was going to have to go in (the nerve). But I was in luck I had two hours to complete my project before I had to leave. The end was in sight so I put it in hyper drive and managed to finish hanging the speakers. They aren’t hooked up to anything, and who knows if they will work. But I was satisfied that I had at least finished the hard part of the task I set out to do.
Fast forward to Charlottesville, VA, we arrived in Charlottesville at 3AM in an empty airplane and me in my most classic golfing attire (I don’t know why I was wearing that it just seemed fun). There is of course nobody to greet us when we bring the airplane up near the gates, but having never been to this airport I had no idea where to park or anything. We waited on the ramp for twenty minutes, nobody is answering any phones and we are feeling ignored. So I tell the guy that I’m flying with, “I know how to get someone out here to help us.” I decided I would exit the airplane and walk around the other parked airplanes on the ramp, surely security will see me and I will achieve my objective of getting some assistance.
Now this story could go several ways, the guy I was flying with thought I was crazy. After-all I was probably rather suspicious looking in my plaid shorts and spiked hair. But lucky for me it worked like a dream. I exited the airplane in my most classic golfing attire, began to walk towards some other airliners and within moments a very nice police man showed up. He helped us park and in no time we were sound asleep at the Double Tree (the cookies are just okay, not a big fan of nuts in cookies). I want you all to know that security in Charlottesville, VA is rock solid. It turns out the trusty gate agents we were counting on to greet us on our arrival fell asleep (probably while earning overtime pay). They didn’t apologize; they just pointed the way towards the exit.
HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND